Once upon a time anal play for the straight was considered pretty much deviant. Only really filthy girls would let you take them up the dirt track. And if you were a man who enjoyed a pokey bum wank then you were definitely gay. Of course this is somewhat akin to saying the world is flat. It sounded good at the time but turns out to be a load of bollocks. Your arse is filled with super sensitive nerves which make any stimulation feel so good. For men the anal passage holds the key to the holy grail of male orgasms.. the prostate. Since I began blogging I’ve noticed a definite trend in the messages I get asking for help and advice and they mainly tend to lean towards the back door, so to speak, so I decided to devote a post to one of my favourite forms of sexual play.
A lot of the sexual hangups surrounding anal sex involves hygiene and I can understand this. However there are steps you can take to ensure you’re spick and span and this will improve your confidence and allow you to relax more, which is key to any form of sex but particularly anal. Obviously regular thorough bathing and washing is a must but keeping yourself well shaved or trimmed makes anal play much more pleasant for the giver and assists personal hygiene as well. Another excellent way to be more confident in your anal play is to douche when you know this may be on the table. A Douche is a simple device which injects a small amount of water into the anal passage which is then passed into the toilet. You basically repeat this process until you’re flushed out and porn star clean, usually 3 times is plenty, for anal this is technically known as an enema but the smaller bulb devices are usually referred to as douches. Douches can be bought very cheaply from online retailers and are super easy to use. My advice is always use lube when douching as the tips of the insertion tube can be scratchy and may leave you sore, which will not aid happy anal play. Try not to get carried away with douching though, it’s not a wise idea to do it too often as it can interfere with the balance of good and bad bacteria in the anal passage. Also only ever use very slightly warm water, overly hot or cold will be uncomfortable and soap may cause irritation to the sensitive lining of the passage.
It is important to accept that accidents do happen and sex is unpredictable. My attitude to this is very much, if he’s happy to stick his dick in my arse and fill it with cum then he should expect to occasionally get messy. It’s not ideal but it’s only if you make a huge fuss that it becomes a big deal. Sex of any kind is messy and raw. It’s not intended to be sterile and if you absolutely can’t accept this then anal play is just not going to be for you. I find it amusing when my friends ask me why I enjoy anal sex… why do you enjoy vaginal sex? Because it feels good! A lot of people judge anal based on one experience of it, “I tried it once and it hurt” well I bet the first time you had vaginal sex it was a bit sore too. The key to happy anal is relaxing, prep and lube. Lots of it. This can’t be stressed enough. The anus isn’t self lubricating unlike the vagina and it’s exceptionally easy to damage it when forcing things inside it. Anal fissures hurt and will easily put the receiver off the experience. Another important element of enjoying anal is warming up. Using your finger or a plug to gently stretch the anus during foreplay will greatly help the initial act of penetration.
The first time I had anal sex I was young and curious and I won’t lie it hurt like fuck. I had no idea and didn’t use any lube and the friction was horrendous. I remember the burning sensation in my arse and my eyes watering in pain however thankfully he didn’t last long and it was over, I was left feeling weird and sore for days. It took me a little while before I experimented with anal again and this time after doing my research I insisted on using lube. It was an altogether different experience. Apart from a slight bite when he slid inside me it quickly became really good and I found my hand drifting to my clit frantically stroking myself to orgasm as he came inside me. I’ve learnt over the years anal sex isn’t something I want to do with all my partners. It’s something I tend to hold back for those I trust and love. I wonder if this is simply because it is so much more intimate and it can be much more painful if done badly.
My love for anal grew and I started to experiment whilst wanking alone. Craving that feeling of my arse being full I began using Butt plugs. I still have a large collection and they are some of my favourite toys. They are strangely often the most pretty too, princess plugs, tail plugs and glass plugs all blinging up your arsehole like a kind of sexual jewellery. It’s really important to remember to only insert objects and toys intended for anal play into your arse. The anus has a horrible habit of swallowing things and unless your toy has a nice wide, flared base you may find yourself taking an unwanted trip to A&E for retrieval.
The feeling of orgasm with something in my arse is so intense. It literally doubles the sensation lifting it to another level as my muscles clench around my chosen penetration partner (cock, dildo, plug etc) it changes the strength of a standard orgasm and sends shock waves through my body. Equally both of us love vaginal sex whilst I’m wearing a plug. It creates a level of tightness and friction inside me that blows my mind. It’s even more exciting when he uses toys to DP me during sex. I literally shake the room with the noise levels he manages to achieve out of me. My man is open-minded to anal play himself and I absolutely love teasing him with my tongue or exploring his arse during foreplay. It’s such a deep intimacy and the fact that he trusts me with this part of his sexuality, that he’s still developing means the world to me. For me rimming is not really any different from sucking his cock. It goes hand in hand if I’m sliding his cock into my throat and running my tongue over his balls to continue this around to his arse. There are so many nerves in the anus that running a hot wet tongue across it is bound to drive you crazy. Equally when he is going down on me he devotes as much time eating my arse as he does my cunt. And I’m hard pushed to pick a preference to be honest.
I think it’s really sad that so many men fear the pleasure they could achieve through anal play due to society’s conventions. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again it’s the gender of your chosen partner that defines your sexuality not your choice of activity. I had a good friend a while back that absolutely loved pegging. He really enjoyed being submissive to an older woman and the thought of being fucked hard by one drove him insane. I suggested he mentioned this to his partner and he was mortified. “She just wouldn’t understand” was his reply. What’s to understand? It feels good! As a woman who switches I’m frequently overcome with an urge to throw my partner down and peg him hard however for him that’s a hard limit and I’d never push that boundary. This doesn’t prevent me enjoying the power of having him trussed up on all fours and grinding my clit against his arse after teasing the hell out of him. If you want to explore pegging it has to be said it will benefit you not to scrimp on a harness. Paying out that bit more for a comfortable one will enable you both to get more out of the experience. You could also try a Feeldoe which is a kind of double dildo which sits inside the vagina of the giver allowing both partners to be penetrated at once. There are dildos specially made for pegging which are slimmer than normal ones and also ones which are designed to stimulate the prostate. You can also try plug style Prostate massagers which can be used either solo or as a couple to unlock the delights of prostate stimulation and orgasm.
Ultimately I think anal isn’t for everyone but if you are curious and want to try some form of anal play please don’t be put off by other people’s opinions or by fear of pain or embarrassment. Take your time, talk about it in advance and do some reading and then relax and you’ll quickly understand why anal play has moved into the mainstream of sexual practices. You can find some of the anal toys mentioned in this post at Lovehoney and all other good sex toy retailers.
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