I love bondage. Let’s just get that out there. It’s my absolute number one kink. Bondage being the B in BDSM, it is often the starting point for couples experimenting with kinkier sexual pursuits. There is nothing quite as exciting as being helpless at someone else’s sexual mercy, or having the object of your desire trussed up ready for you to torment. I was aware of my fascination with bondage at an exceptionally young age, before I even knew what it was. The idea of being vulnerable and helpless or powerful and in control knotted itself into my sexual psyche before I was even in secondary school. I knew the idea excited me and I’d often tie my school tie around my wrists just to experience the thrill of being bound.
As an adult my adventures in bondage have increased in complexity and my needs and desires have weaved themselves into a need to restrain or be restrained. I firmly believe that the impulse behind bondage lies in many more people than those that actually realise it. Many of my friends of a more vanilla persuasion will admit to enjoying being pinned to the bed for sex and occasionally dabbling in mild tie-ing up. This is just the bottom rung of the same ladder that leads to full-blown Shibari suspension. I also think that this taps into a darker part of our personalities than we realise at first glance. In essence bondage is the act of forcing someone or being forced, with consent. When tied down or cuffed we can lay back and give up responsibility for where our desires take us. We can trick our minds into believing we are being made to do things which often we might not be comfortable admitting in everyday life. As the giver we can allow ourselves to believe we are sating our needs against their will, forcing our darkest desires onto a vulnerable victim. Often a massive turn on in itself. Despite the huge taboo surrounding rape fantasy I believe it’s seeds lay in all rough sex and BDSM play.
Bondage itself is a form of oxymoron. The act of being restrained allows a strange kind of freedom, freedom to let go of your responsibility for the situation. I believe that thanks mainly to 50 Shades of Grey more and more people are experimenting with bondage and it definitely is moving more into the mainstream. The more complicated forms of bondage, Japanese Shibari and other decorative forms of bondage are aesthetically pleasing to the eye and often used in erotic photography. Bondage can be used as a form of punishment, torture bondage involves tying a submissive into a position which will deliberately be uncomfortable and cause physical pain. Though it’s worth noting almost any bondage will be uncomfortable if kept up for too long. Restraining a partner for spanking or edging can also be a form of punishment.
A form of bondage often seen in porn is device bondage. This involves submissives being locked into a device which holds various parts of them securely. Often a type of frame, it usually acts as a spreader bar on the legs or holds the recipient in a particular position, bent at the waist or squatting down, sometimes the head and neck will be placed into an item making the submissives mouth isolated as accessible for use whilst the rest of their body is secured. This renders the submissive as basically a toy.
Suspension bondage is a real art form. I don’t think people fully appreciate how much work goes into the rope work used in suspension. Distributing the weight evenly throughout the ropes to make it safe is a complex procedure, however it is well worth it as few things are as exciting as being suspended for sex. It is the definition of helpless, feeling the momentum in the air caused by the aggression of fucking. It’s something few people experience which is a shame. It is considered one of the most risky forms of bondage but the feeling of objectification that accompanies it is only heightened by the risk and the knowledge that to try to free yourself would almost certainly result in harm.
I fully enjoy both sides of the bondage coin, just as happy to give as to receive and I firmly believe that for me bondage can improve all types of sex. Never do I feel as in control than when I’m sat on my man’s face, using him to meet my own needs, whilst he lays spread across the bed and bound. I know he loves it. He knows I love it. Yet it taps into that side of me that wants to force him. I don’t care for his comfort, grinding my wet cunt against his mouth, hearing him moaning as he frantically licks and sucks my clit as he’s been instructed to do. Knowing he can’t push me off even if he wants to, watching his wrists and ankles strain at his binds and knowing he belongs to me, it’s such a thrill as I cum all over his face drowning him in my desire for him. That being said I equally love it when he restrains me, which he can successfully do just with his hands and the thought alone sends electric shocks directly to my clit. I trust him to restrain me and it means the world to me that he trusts me to restrain him too. For me bondage play goes hand in hand with trust and it will always be part of my sex life.