Playing Pretend

The worst thing about trying to broaden your sexual horizons is the fear of feeling a bit daft. Nowhere is this more apparent than role play. We stop playing make-believe as kids and kind of lose our ability to let that part of us run wild once it’s constrained by adult life. Role play is fun. It’s a way to live out fantasies hidden inside us but there’s no denying at first it can feel strange.

The problem with everyday life is it takes a huge toll on our sex lives. We forget that it’s meant to be exciting. Role play is a brilliant way to heat things back up. The options for role playing are as varied as your imagination. She could be a police woman, nurse, nun, Arabian princess, a slave girl, a drill sergeant, a headmistress, etc etc. And there’s plenty of choice for male role play too, police officer, fireman, school boy, soldier, doctor, predator, teacher, priest, master or slave, the list is endless.

If you’re looking for a good way to introduce role play into your sex life a great place to start is a little dirty talk. It’s easier to start small without the props and if it’s successful it builds confidence to move on. Talk to your partner about their fantasies, get an idea of what turns them on. Have a sexual amnesty! Nothing is off the table. If you find this subject difficult to broach in person do it via sexting. It’s much easier to hide your initial blushes from the other side of your phone. Once you have an idea of what secret thoughts make their juices flow you can build on that. Suggesting to your partner that you want to indulge their fantasy is likely to get a very positive response, I like to opt for more of a surprise element. Of course if your role play involves heavy BDSM themes or rape play it’s important to agree to boundaries first. It’s fine to walk into the bedroom dressed up for an unsuspecting partner, not so much, snatching them off the street and bundling them into a van for some rape play.

Role play immediately conjures up ideas of police uniforms, nurses outfits and gymslips. While it’s true this can be a factor in some role play it may be your partner just wants to be Dominated in which case you can let your imagination run wild with your lingerie and get in touch with your inner Domme/Dom for some slave games. Language is important during role play. It’s the corner-stone of the fantasy so run through some of the phrases and terms you think you’ll use before hand. Get comfortable with them. And try to remember that this is meant to be fun. Don’t worry if you feel a bit of a plank saying them, trust me your partner won’t care at all.

The key to successful role play is to throw yourself into it. Hesitancy leads to awkwardness which makes for a less enjoyable experience on both parts. When I’m role-playing I like to think of it as acting. I was always pretty crap at drama at school (despite growing up to be the world’s biggest drama queen) but I can fake confidence with the best of them. It’s the same tactic I use during job interviews and I find can actually be used to increase your confidence in all life situations. If you don’t have it, fake it.

Start small and build with your experience. Begin just dressing up to accommodate your lovers fantasy. If they want to be man handled by a police woman buy yourself a fancy dress costume. If you’re not comfortable starting out with an outfit specifically designed for sex, then you can buy a wide range of sexy fancy dress costumes for very reasonable prices online.

Get yourself kitted out away from your scene. Hide it in the bathroom or in your bag so you can walk into the room and watch the expression on their face. Don’t forget the accessories! Stockings and heels can add to your own feeling of desirability. This is a huge confidence booster. Dressing for sex alone can be intimidating for some people let alone a full role play scene. Have some fun with the outfits and dressing up before adding script and props to the mix.
Once you’re confident in your kit it’s time to throw in some language. Again if you’re feeling awkward start small. Begin by just throwing in small phrases to lead the action into a role play direction. If you’re dressed as a school girl tell him you’ve been a bad girl and forgotten your homework. If you’re in a nurses outfit mention that it’s time for his physical. Once you light that fire it’s likely your partner will take the hint and join in play. You may find from here the dialogue flows freely. If not don’t panic, it will come with practice and time. Again a good way to get comfortable with this verbal make-believe is through sexting. Practice during the day while you’re apart to build anticipation for the evening.

Once you have the look and the dialogue under your belt it’s time to have fun with experimenting! You can involve props to your play if you want. Handcuffs add a nice element to a police scene. There’s all kinds of medical fetish toys for Doctor/nurse/patient games. If you’re playing with age play paddles and crops make a good addition for spanking. Collars and leads are essential accessories for slave or puppy play.

By gradually increasing the complexity of your role play each time, before you realise it you’ll both be fully immersed in the game without too much awkwardness. It’s just you and your partner and both of you are on board for this so why worry? Suspend your concerns and enjoy the moment. Role play is a fantastic place to begin to add a little D/s spice to your sex games too. Most role play is a form of power exchange one way or the other, most fantasies involve some kind of authority figure, so this is an excellent start.

Once you’re comfortable in your chosen scene you can ask your partner to reciprocate and add a role play fantasy of your own into your bedroom. Switch it up to keep things interesting. Personally I love role play. It allows me to act out my inner desires in a safe environment. Don’t allow convention to make you feel awkward, this isn’t real, it’s just pretend. Just because I have rape fantasies doesn’t mean I want to be raped in real life. It just means I want my partner to be fully in control for a little while.

Role play is a fun way to add a wealth of variation to your sex life, it’s pure escapism. After all, don’t we all get bored with real life sometimes?

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