Male sex toys are filled with mystery for most people outside of the industry. Today I had a conversation on twitter sparked by my article about Female Masturbation. One of my followers said that conversely it’s seen as totally normal for a woman to own a vibrator and yet even he felt it was strange if a man owns a masturbation aid. This got me thinking. Why is this?
Male masturbation is almost a right of passage. It’s as much a part of growing up as your voice breaking. There is nowhere near the mystery surrounding male wanking as there is female and yet the majority of the accessories for this most pleasurable hobby are female orientated. The only reason I can think of for this is they are simply not as popular.
There are definitely more male sex toys than ever before. Companies such as Doc Johnson, Fleshlight, Tenga and Zolo Stax all selling a variety of different male masturbation sleeves with some amazing twists to them. Recently whilst investigating this with my other half I was genuinely surprised at the wealth of choice on offer.
Masturbation aids are basically a device with a hole in it which you use to wank. Your cock fits in the hole and then you wank using the toy. The beauty of these is the versatility. The inner textured patterns come in so many variations. Different degrees of firmness, tightness, different shapes and formations all leading ultimately to different experiences. From the little Tenga Egg, a disposable item coming in a huge range of options, to the super detailed Fleshlights which are designed to feel and look like your favourite porn star’s pussy. New technology has enabled masturbation sleeves to add new features, like suction to toys like the Tenga Airtech or temperature play using menthol lubes or warming sticks used to heat the hole up for added realism.
Add these to the huge amount of cock rings, penis plugs, urethral sounds, cock cages and even toys such as the Sqweel XT oral sex simulator, and you have a pretty hefty market cornered. Why then do such a large percentage of men feel like owning a male sex toy is something they’d rather not admit to?
I don’t know the answer to this question but myself I suspect it lays somewhere in male machismo. “What do you need to buy a toy for?”, “Nothing wrong with using my hand” or “Aren’t they for girls?” These are all genuine quotes I’ve heard recently from men I know when discussing this subject. I’m sure there isn’t anything wrong with using your hand. I’m not averse to occasionally going old school and bringing myself off with just my fingers and my own imagination however equally I thoroughly enjoy an afternoon with my Satisfyer or Doxy and porn on my tablet. There’s no shame in seeking enhancement. There must be men buying sex toys, after all there’s no supply without demand.
Anal toys for men are another area some men find prickly. I equally struggle with the attitude towards men that enjoy anal stimulation. Anal play feels good. It’s something both genders have in common and for men it’s the gateway to the prostate and unimaginable pleasure. More often than not what stops them is their fear of being labelled as less than 100% straight. Slowly straight men are waking up to the amazing feelings that can be produced by a tongue or finger playing with the thousands of nerve endings in your arse. The prostate is the key to a world of new and different orgasms for men but this requires back door access and so many men feel they can’t admit to wanting to try this out of fear of judgement. There are toys specifically designed to massage the prostate as sometimes this can be tricky to do with a finger. There are plenty of prostate plugs on the market which can wildly enhance wanking, and even anal lube marketed for men. What distinguishes you as straight or gay is the gender you’re attracted to. If you enjoy anal penetration from a woman I promise you you’re still straight. If you enjoy anal penetration from another man then that’s a fair indication you’re gay. And if you don’t mind either then you’re probably bisexual. Same goes for tongues, fingers and toys. By worrying about other people’s potential judgement you could be denying yourself the most amazing sex of your life! I guarantee you nobody cares if you want to put things in your arse while you wank, as long as you’re safe and they don’t have to try to help you retrieve said objects if you’re not.
I also wonder if women contribute towards this kind of male sexual shame in some ways. I’ve met plenty of women in my life who view watching porn as a form of betrayal right up there with sleeping with your sister. Myself I don’t understand this attitude. If we were all more relaxed about masturbation and porn then maybe it wouldn’t need to be hidden or treated like a dirty little secret. I used to work with a woman who firmly believed her husband didn’t wank. Despite other people telling her this was highly unlikely she would insist that he wouldn’t do that to her, she was all he needed. I found this a very selfish attitude. If a man told me I couldn’t touch myself (outside of D/s games of course) he would be firmly told to go to hell. Nobody has the right to restrict access to your own body, partner or not. Masturbation is a personal right and in no way a reflection of your relationship nor is it some kind of betrayal. It’s impossible to cheat on your partner with your own hand. Even if he may be thinking of Holly Willoughby, a girl in the office, that time with his ex or even the woman in the porn he’s watching that’s not a betrayal that’s just human nature. It doesn’t mean he necessarily wants to fuck those women. Just that in that moment that’s what he was thinking about to get him to climax. Can you honestly hand on heart say you haven’t done the same?
Despite my initial belief that male wanking is much more open and honest than female I have come to realise there are still plenty of areas of judgement and wank-shaming they have to deal with too. Perhaps as a society what we need is a masturbation revolution.
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